1.5 years later...

So it's been quite some time since my last update. I ran across this old blog, and the itch to write returned. I read my last post from April '09, and I am surprised at what I knew then. The storm I faced rocked me to my core, and continued to stretch on past what I could foresee at the time. How the roads of our life twist. I wish I could say I maintained that calm, peaceful, and faithful presence throughout it, but there were moments. Moments that became stretches of time. Stretches of time that became lifelessness spiritually. But there has been a new awakening. God was kind enough to place people in my life who were willing to point the right way. And I'm thankful he is patient. I can be a pretty passionate person when it comes to my emotions. I expected to feel angry at God. What surprised me was the apathy that ensued instead. Looking back, I think I felt like I had prayed for years about the health of my mom, and despite it all, the will of God remained unbroken, and pointed to her battle taking her from us. I have believed since the moment it happened that it happened that way for a reason. Who knows what she was being saved from? I don't doubt His goodness. But hearing the final "No"....I retreated. Like a child, spurned by their parents, even though their "no" was totally right and for my own good, the denial of the self-will still aches.

I am ready to forge ahead. My family has changed, rather dramatically. But I like to remind myself of my roots, and remember the example of faith that my mom lived out in front of me. No longer can my faith be something I work on to impress my earthly parents, now it is 100% between me and God, and it's reason for being, is because He Is. Was. Always will be. Amen.